When you get to your mid 30’s living by the old standby of “I ain’t dating no chicks with kids” will keep you single forever so most guys adjust it to a number, she can only have (x) amount of kids. Knowing this sucks for the woman who got pregnant married out of high school, established a family early and can’t find the father fell out with the man later (for whatever reason), I will preface this by saying that I feel your pain. Many times the standards will get thrown out the door if the woman is fine beyond imagination, but when a man goes into a relationship with a woman and isn’t prepared for the woman AND her kids, he is setting himself up for a big bowl of fail.
One thing you have to realize at 30+ is that you aren’t exactly that young anymore, you aren’t 21 and you aren’t 25. You are at an age that required you to be solidly on your man game were it 40 years ago, so realize that at 30 you are a MAN, not a young man, not an old man, but a man. If you think that you can date a woman and push her kid(s) aside, you won’t be around long if you aren’t careful. The single parent dilemma is felt the hardest by the children, and as a product of such a household I am lucky enough to have this insight in my dating life. Many guys just don’t know how to deal with a child that isn’t theirs and it becomes immediately evident to the child, even when the mom is disillusioned into thinking the guy is perfect.
Advice to Single Mothers in the Dating Game
Ask your Teen: If you have a teenager or clever pre-teen it is important that you get their approval after an introduction or two is made with potential lover. If your kid has daddy issues, as in wanting your ass to stay lonely in hopes of your whoring ex coming back into your life – then go ahead and don’t introduce new guy, your kid needs help, work on your house before you scar the poor sucker into courting you. Nothing wrecks a relationship faster than a bratty child that’s unwilling to play ball. If you have good repor with your child, have regular talks with them and they respect you, then it is important that you get the kid’s approval.
Check his credentials: If you have a toddler or baby and the guy is okay with dating you then this next step is important. You may need to run some sort of background check or something to know what kind of temperament the guy has. A suave, zen-like guy who can hold in his inner lion is great but if you have a temper tantrum throwing lunatic around your baby, you need to drop him like a bad habit. I have been seeing way too many incidents of jackasses punching babies, throwing them from cars and suffocating them all because they can’t take the heat. Ladies listen, this man did not get used to a kid screaming like you did, he was not kept up nights tending to the crying and projectile poop, he isn’t seasoned in this. If he has a temper, or sociopath tendencies then an unsupervised screaming baby will be at his mercy. Think about it, you may just want to hold off for a man who has a kid himself or slow down on dating until your child is old enough to fight back.
Greg love the kids The Dos and Donts of Dating a Woman with Children
Advice to Men Dating Women with Children
Guys this is hard if you aren’t a lover of children. I cannot stress this any harder, if kids annoy you, or if they get in the way for you, then stick to women who lack kids (if you can find them). Grab a Cougar whose children are in college and beyond, or grab some seasoned jail bait (18-19) and stay the hell away from women in their 30s. If you love kids, or are tolerant of kids in a friendly way, then you must realize that dating a woman with a child is like dating two people. You have to cater to both on some level, especially if the child is a female herself. Engage the child in conversation when he/she’s around but make it natural conversation, not forced conversation. Most teens are cynical and standoffish to new boyfriends so you have to expect hostility initially. Don’t go turning on the young man’s Madden game and professing your “skills” in hopes that the video game will bond you to him. Don’t go talking about the girl’s favorite band as if you listen to it, because she probably knows that you don’t and you will look like a fool trying to get in.
You do not what to appear as if you are talking the kid up in order to score panty points with his/her momma. It’s very obvious when we do this and kids read that stuff immediately. Here’s what you do, treat the kid like another adult and engage conversation and bonding the way you would if you were stuck in a house with random dude or girl. Take it slow and be yourself (unless you’re an annoying jackass), help out when you can or when you’re asked and the number one thing is to be good to their mom. Being a boyfriend who openly bombs on mom in front of the kids or being that guy breaking mom’s heart will forever lock you into asshole mode in their minds and you will never get over it. It is not your place to discipline an unruly child either, check his/her mom on that, and if it gets too much call it a day and leave.Having to play daddy when you’re simply dating a woman is not fair to you either, so don’t ever let them lay that on you as a responsibility. If you’re gonna play daddy, you probably should go ahead and marry her, for dating keep it at “hi, how was school, I like your dress, goodnight”.
Kids aren’t as naive as you think
If you and the woman are just trying to fu… wait I mean have sex then you should not be meeting her kids. If she is allowing you to meet the kids right before you beat it and skate1 then she is a dumb ass beyond compare. In the information age kids know what the hell is going on and that awkward feeling you get when she forces 12 yr old Johnny to go to bed so you all can make out on the couch is warranted. Women you gotta be smarter than this, go back to his crib, keep your kids out of it, get your fu.. er sex on and leave the kids with a babysitter.
So remember it’s not so simple as a number when deciding to date a woman who has a child. You can’t just say “I limit it to one kid” if you are a child hater, keep it real and stick to single women who don’t have or want kids. For you guys that can handle a woman with 2-3 kids, you get all the props in the world because stats-wise I always feel that one of them will be the hater/cock blocker. If you can charm 3 kids and lock up the mom then you are a champion amongst men and I tip my hat off to you. So go forth, date, have fun and remember when children are concerned you have to give respect in order to earn respect. Stop throwing babies out of cars and get your step-daddy on, it’s all in the way you play it.
- Greg Dragon
Cross Posted from www.HallofTheBlackDragon.com