Overly nice people finish last, does that mean you?

Posted by The Marksman at 2 October, at 14 : 19 PM Print

At a very young age our parents have always taught us that being nice to people was a great quality to have.  Think about all the times when you were young and you didn’t want to share your toys with the other kids, and your parents told you to “be nice”.  Also remember the saying of treat people how you want to be treated, those were all concepts and theories that were taught to us when we were growing up.  Unfortunately when it comes to relationships there are times when you can be too nice, too selfless, and too considerate.  When those types of features are present it can put your current relationship or your chances of getting that person you are pursuing in jeopardy.  Here are a few examples to help you see if you fall into that category of the person that’s “too nice”.

One of the first signs people pick up on is when you are much to interested in them, calling a person too much especially when you just met them, or houding them about spending time with you is going to get on their nerves.  The biggest thing it shows it that you don’t have a life/friends or other things that take up your time outside of them, and contrary to popular belief no one wants to be the one and only focus of a persons time outside of work.  Now there is nothing wrong with showing interest you have to “stake your claim” otherwise that will leave the door open for other suitors, you just can’t show so much interest in the person that you become uninteresting or even boring to them.  Also playing things too careful and being timid will doom you to fail on top of that, people expect you show interest but if you wait too long they will lost interest themselves.  If you give up your friends, hobbies, and other interests that you had before meeting someone just to focus on “making things work” with them, then you are severly lowering the chances that thigns will work out the way you want them to.  The person was attracted to you because of those things you did before you met them, those were the things that made you interesting in the first place.

Secondly your much to understanding and never get pissed off, these are also virtues that we were raised to believe good people exhibited all the time.  For the most part that is true, but when it comes to relationships being “understanding” has it’s limits.  When you couple that with someone who never gets made you might as well put the word sucker on their forehead, because that just smells of a pushover.  If the person you are involved with doesn’t want to talk to you because of a death in the family then it’s perfectly acceptable to be “understanding” of that situation, but if that same person came to you and said “I just slept with your best friend”, I can’t think of many instances where you shouldn’t be pissed of about that.  You definitely can’t say I “understand” why you did that I put myself in your shoes and it was a reasonable decision, if that’s what your mentality is going to be then be prepared for it to happen again.  Approaching things that way just gives the other person a license to run over you without a second thought, and you have no one to blame for yourself.  No one is nice all the time everybody has a little bit of “jackass” in them even the nicest person, you just have to know when it’s appropriate to use it and how much of it to use.  The biggest thing it does for you is it sets a limit almost like an invisible dog fence, if people feel they can’t get away with something they will think twice before doing it.

People don’t do these things to be mean, these concepts are true in many aspects of peoples lives.  Most of this behavior is just human nature, if the path of least resistance is through you people will take advantage of it every time.  If you look at the dynamics of your job if your boss is a nice person and never disciplines anyone then some of the employees are going to push the limits to see what they can get away with.  If your boss is a hard ass then people will more than likely quit, it’s the boss that finds that balance in the middle where they treat their employees with respect, give them a little freedom, but control is kept because employees know if they step out of line there will be consequences.  The same needs to be applied to your relationships, now for those that can’t read between the lines I am not saying put hands on some one or come to blows, but you have to be prepared to walk away from a relationship when the person you are with steps over the line.  There is nothing wrong with being a nice, respectful person, but too much of anything is bad for you, and relationships are no exception.

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