Written By:  Slim Jackson

For the last few weeks, I’ve been sitting on a topic that comes up daily in the real world and in online conversations. There’s been a lot of talk about wack men, good men, manly men, men who blow backs out, men that have been pussified, emasculated, denigrated, and whatever else you can probably imagine. I’ve read posts from men telling women to let them step up and be the man, and I’ve read a good number of articles and social media outbursts telling men that they need to step up to the plate and be better at 1 of a list of probably 1,000 things. I’ll be honest. I’ve grown tired of the “Men should…” banter from the chronically unhappy. I know that for as long as there are relationship blogs, it will be an ongoing topic. I don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it.

There’s a question that has repeatedly come to mind while reading these posts and listening to the chatter. I’ve found myself asking what exactly is a man? Aside from chromosome make-up and obvious anatomical differences, what is a man in the eyes of male that is 2X years old like myself? If you asked me a few years ago, my answers would have been completely different…though I guess that’s a given since I wasn’t 2X years old then. But anyway, as I continue to go through life’s experiences I can see that some things aren’t as important as I once thought and other things that I once deemed meaningless are now critically crucial. So bare with me as I take you through my thoughts on what a man is, isn’t, and may require at times. I sat down for an hour trying to figure out how to format this post and this is what I came up with in no particular order…

A man is capable of recognizing when he has serious problems in his life and takes the steps to seek the help that he needs. It doesn’t matter whether this help comes from a friend, family member, or a licensed professional. A man does not unnecessarily carry a burden on his back that could be shared with someone(s) that cares about his life or knows how to help him get it back on track.

A man is more concerned with the quality of his relationships than the number of women he’s conquered over the years. Sleeping with 100 women or being able to get 5 numbers a week at the club doesn’t make a male a man.

A man is not just a big d*ck, stamina, and a smile. I say that because I hear too many women saying they need a man who can lay it down in the sheets before they say they need a man that will treat them right. Getting “handled” right is not the same as being treated right. There is a difference.

A man doesn’t just pay child support. A man develops a relationship with his kid(s) regardless of the circumstance to ensure that nobody grows up hating him and that he doesn’t create another statistic. Women aren’t the only ones that should be nurturing.

A man can admit when he’s wrong even in situations where he knows it may be held against him down the road. Along these same lines, a man knows when to fight and when to walk away. He understands the bigger picture and that as he gets older, the implications of his actions grow in significance.

A man is capable of acknowledging his weaknesses and embraces his strengths. He knows that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody else until he has proved it to himself. Where he struggles, he works on it. When he fails, he gets back up. When he realizes something is impossible, he understands and looks for an alternate path to his goal or works on something that he knows he can change.

A man is able to talk to a woman about his emotions and run the risk of “getting emotional” in the process. If she doesn’t allow it, he knows that it’s time to find another woman.

A man takes care of his health because he wants to live long and not because he wants to show off.

A man needs regular compliments and to feel wanted. After all, a man is human.

A man respects his mother. Without her, he doesn’t exist.

A man knows that family always comes first.

A man doesn’t hold doors, carry groceries, cuddle, hold hands, or say “I love you” because she expects him too. He does it because he wants to. Related to this, a man can’t know everything and anything. Once again, a man is a human being.

And lastly,

A man knows when it’s time to finish a blog post and turn it over to the people. What is or isn’t a man to you? Do you disagree with anything I’ve listed here? After all, this is my opinion. It’s your turn to share yours.

Your Favorite Occasionally Positive Blogger,

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When it comes to drinking alcohol there are some drinks that men should avoid when hitting the bar because those drinks aren’t considered “manly”.  When a woman is at the bar and a man starts talking to her, if she looks over and sees an umbrella in your drink then the conversation may end right there.  Here are “Five Manly Drinks” that a guy have order when he is out that won’t mess up his chances with the ladies.

1. Vodka Martini – The primary reason a martini is on this list is because James Bond drinks them. Shaken, not stirred. Otherwise, this would be a drink that might not be called manly. But, because James Bond is the epitome of manliness he can set trends and make a drink ultimately manly. A martini is gin and vermouth, garnished with an olive. Though on occasion, its masculinity is insulted with a sliver of lemon peel.

2. Irish Car Bomb – Hell even the name sounds manly. This drink is a shot glass filled with Irish Whiskey (preferably Jameson) with Baileys Irish Cream floated on top. The shot is then dropped into a glass of Guinness and downed. All Irish, contains both whiskey and stout beer. It is definitely a man’s drink.

3. Black Sunday- This is one ounce Everclear, one ounce Wild Turkey 101 Proof Bourbon, and black cheery soda. Of course the soda is just for taste but two different liquors with a 100% plus alcohol level? Um, can you say hammered?

4. The Godfather – Besides the obvious Sicilian tone of this cocktail’s name, the Godfather is the perfect smooth drink to take the edge off. The sweet taste of Amaretto is an excellent companion to the bite of a good Scotch.  No matter what is used, the result is a sweet drink with a slightly sour bite built over ice cubes with a twist of orange. The amaretto is important, and Italy makes the finest. It imparts a delicate almond flavor, which is absorbed completely by the sweet woody taste of the bourbon or the malty tang of Scotch.

5. Enpinyo and Cow Blood- That is, distilled African liquor washed down with pure cow blood. An indigenous group in Kenya and Tanzania known as the Maasai drink super concentrated enpinyo which is tastefully washed down with some fresh cow blood. Supposedly the blood of the cow works wonders for preventing any type of hangover. With this hardcore ingredient, the enpinyo and cow blood remains at the top of the list for the manliest, albeit most disgusting way to get drunk.

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There are many strategies people use when they are dating, and flattery is one that is fairly common.  Giving someone a compliment is generally a good idea especially when you are sincere, or really good at hiding it.  For men when in a relationship flattery will be an important tool because when the woman you are talking too gets a new hairstyle she is going to want to know what you think about it.  But even before that she will want you to notice it without her prompting you that something changed about her appearance, in many cases many men won’t care either way, but knowing how to let her know you noticed is an art form.

The first thing you must do is take a good look before opening your mouth, and take into account the woman’s appearance.  Then make sure you don’t generalize it with something stupid like “you’re hot” or “Damn, baby you got a lot back there” those type of statements aren’t going to get you far with most women.  Pick something specific about her, like her hair, or complementing how her outfit looks because that will let her know you took the time to pay attention to the hard work she put in while looking in the mirror.  This should not take you long to do, when you see a woman walking in give her a quick scan and see what draws you to her, then just go from there.

Once you have selected something the timing and delivery can make or break any positives you get out of it, so you don’t want to just walk up to her and her friends and say “damn, that lace front looks good on you.”  Get her attention and once she has acknowledged you, as you approach her stopping and saying “I really like your hair”, before even asking her name may seal the deal for you.  The timing is just as important as what you choose to compliment her on, so just trust your instincts on when the best time to approach her is and make your move when the time is right.

You have to remember that this is about her and not about how great you are, if you want to impress her and have a chance at getting to know her don’t approach this selfishly.  The biggest mistake men make here is going overboard on the compliments.  Women can pick up on when someone is being disingenuous fairly easily, so if you are peppering her with over the top compliments then she is going to think one of two things.  Either you are just saying that without really meaning it just so you can impress her hoping to get in with her faster, or you are a desperate guy who has never talked to a woman before.  Neither one of those options are ones that you want to be lumped into, so keep the complimenting to a normal level.

Mastering the art of flattery can help you get the woman that you want, and keep the woman that you are with happy.  But if you fail to learn how to do this effectively then you may find yourself with the backup women you do not care for all that much, or a very unhappy girlfriend.  Some women do not require flattery to be happy, so it comes down to knowing the woman you are dealing with as to how effective it will be.

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There are a lot of men out there who throw standards to the wind when it comes to women, and will “sleep with anything”.  Everyone has their own preferences and that is a persons god given right, but there are many cases where it has nothing to do with preference a guy just wants to get some.  A lot of times they don’t care from who, and this is where the problem lies.  By lowering your standards people start to talk, and word gets around that you will jump on anything that moves.  There are several reasons you do not want to be the person people are talking about.  Here are a few reasons to actually have high standards when it comes to dating.

Building and maintaining a good reputation is one of the prime concerns for any man, and anything that can have a detrimental effect on this can easily hinder his future actions and plans. If you start slipping and you begin to entertain a certain “standard” that isn’t up to your standards, word will get around. The ladies can try to convince everyone that they never notice the type of women a guy dates, but we all know it matters, which is why your high standards must remain intact.

Lowering your requirements for the sake of a roll in the hay is something desperate, lonely men do, and if you find yourself in that position, you can hardly consider yourself worthy of being called a “catch” by the opposite sex. It’s all about keeping up appearances.

You just left a one night stand, but you are not feeling all that great about the experience.  You didn’t really have your pick of the crowd that night and in the end, it feels more like a disappointment than a success. Scoring with the hottest, most sought-after Player-loving women gives you an ego boost that can quite literally last for weeks, and this directly feeds your motivation and desire to adhere to the highest of standards.

When you’re stuck with the backup chick who is waiting by the phone for you to call her, something is off. It’s easy right?  The backup chick is always there, waiting on you, but you are not all that attracted to her physically.  The problem with this is it becomes easy, you begin to think you don’t need the better-quality woman. You start to entertain the damaging theory that says, quantity over quality.  It will eventually stunt your ability to conquer the best of the best ,and one day, you’ll turn around and realize that your level of fulfillment has fallen drastically.

You are a high-class individual, and while any good ladies’ man prides himself on adaptation, on easily and fluidly relating to all women, certain girls are simply more suited to your lifestyle. They may have higher expectations than the drunk regular you picked up in the bar, but at the same time, they will appreciate the finer things in life. This means their esteem for you reflects back in your favor, also the more you associate with a higher-caliber woman, the more you will become involved with that circle of society .

Many people may disagree, and feel that you can walk the thin line between being high class and messing around with people who have lower standards than you.  But if you live there too much the existence of a floor to your standards will disappear, and you may find  yourself unable to get the higher class person you associated with before.

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We have all been in this situation, we head to our local bank, get to the window and there is an nice looking person staring back at you asking how can they help you.  You are single, available, and would love the opportunity to ask this person out on a date.  Well, your bank account is not exactly bursting at the seams, so as you consider all of these factors people are behind you in line wondering what is the hold up.  That is why trying to get a number from the bank teller is one of the hardest spots to be in.

There always seemed to be a disproportionate number of pretty women standing behind the counter, screaming, “Next in line!”  I can’t speak on the men, so women chime in on your experiences as most of the banks I go to all the tellers seem to be women.

Now, I’ve approached women in a lot of different situations, but bank tellers? These women require an entirely different approach, and here are the two reasons I believe this to be true.

A guy walks into his local bank, and is helped by the beautiful teller of the day during a quiet hour in the bank.  There is no one in line behind him, and he looks to be a well paid gentleman.  He walks confidently to the teller’s post, makes sure to smile at her, and ask how her day has been.  She replies that she is doing well, and smiles back.

He is feeling a vibe and makes more small talk with her, and a brief conversation ensues about how slow days are always the good days.  She’s still smiling and engaged in the conversation.  He hands her the check he came to deposit, and she is still smiling and making small talk.

He gives her his account number, and she sees the amount he currently have in the bank.  She gets a little quiet and is not smiling much anymore.  How is a guy supposed to ask the teller if she would like to go out sometime, when she sees the balance in his account before the deposit was made is the same amount as Burger King Combo Meal?

This is not to say female bank tellers care about how much money a guy has in his checking and savings accounts.  Most women who work behind the counter at banks are typically very nice, and I’m sure if the circumstances were different and they met somewhere outside their work place, he would have a better chance. But this scenario is a common one, and has actually happened to several people I know.

In this situation you have to look at things from a perspective where how much money is in your bank account will not affect your decision to talk to her.  If she has an issue with what you have financially that is her problem not yours, and if she is unable to look past those numbers you did not need to talk to her anyway.  It is actually a good thing because you get to see from the start how interested she is in dating someone for who they are, or dating someone with a lot of money in the bank.

You should also pay attention during the transaction while you are exchanging small talk with her.  If you slip in questions about where she hangs out or what she likes to do on the weekends, you may get lucky and have her tell you an event or hot spot she will be at in the near future.  When you show up at the same bar or night spot and recognize each other the ice breaking portion is done, and now you can work your trade the normal way.

Most of the time when people go into banks, it’s never a quiet day.  A bank without a long line is like a bank without cash, even in the drive through. You will never see it.  The nice looking woman behind the counter is one of only two tellers on duty, a policy I have as of yet to understand. The greeter can only greet, and tell people where to get deposit slips.  The managers are typically only worried about closing loans, and making sure all the money is accounted for and people are not stealing.

Meanwhile, all the people standing in line forgot their patience at home, and moan loudly if a person even thinks of asking the teller another question.  So what would it look like trying to close the deal to keep in touch with a teller under all that pressure?  It could easily end up in disaster, imagine another customer in line, who is on their lunch break and has a bill due may lose the patience.  The guy goes in for the phone number, and hears “Hey Casanova, some of us have a job to get to today, talk to bitches on your own time!”.

That would be embarrassing for you and the teller, plus the fact that the patron just diminished the hell out of you as a man.  This is the reason that talking to a bank teller is a difficult proposition, and you have to be careful when attempting it.  There is no fool proof way to deal with this situation, the best thing to do is frequent the bank more often rather than doing transactions online or drive through.

This will increase the chances of you seeing her in a more favorable situation, and make things a bit more comfortable when you do decide to ask for her number.  Some would advocate the slip her your business card approach, but she’s at work and may just smile and throw it in the trash.  It is a tough situation, but if you really are into her you will have to man up, be tactful, and realize quickly whether she is interested or not.  Good Hunting!

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One thing that has never made sense about guys approaching women is how fellas try to save face when they get rejected.  I guess one guy did not enjoy being rejected after asking for a young woman’s phone number.  A young college student in Washington claims she was shot by a man because she refused to give him her phone number.

The young woman, whose identity has been protected, told police she was leaving a party in southeast Washington early Sunday when a man asked for her number.  Here is a quote from the victim describing the incdient:

“He told my cousin he was going to shoot at us if I didn’t give him my number and then he started shooting,” she told authorities.

One of those bullets struck the student as she ran away.  It is still lodged in her ankle, surgeons will decide how to remove it.  Now this is an extreme case of a guy going crazy because he did not get the digits, but men do not realize these are the types of things that force women to lie.

In this case at least the guy did say he was going to shoot her beforehand, so she could have just given him a fake phone number and got away unscathed.  Women will commonly give a guy a bunch of BS when he goes for the phone number and she is not interested.

All the excuses are there, “I have a boyfriend”, “Give me your number”, or they give you the wrong phone number among other things.  Many men have always wondered why women just can’t be straight and say I am not interested, or just a flat out “No”.

Situations like this only enforce a woman’s reasoning for turning a guy down without pissing him off at the same time.  Typically guys will throw out the “I just wanted to f*ck anyway”, or the “Bitch you ain’t all that” when they get rejected going for a woman’s number.  Which has caused women to respond in a way to protect themselves from that.

But, shooting someone over it?  That has to be some sort of all time first.  Fellas rejection happens, do not get bent out of shape because a woman will not give you her phone number.  If she is not attracted to you having the number is not going to do you much good anyway, move on and find another fish.

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