“On the other hand, to women looking for a quick ego fix or just a free drink, nice guys read “sucker.” Nice guys are easy to take advantage of and score freebies from. You teach people how to treat you, so if you act insecure and needy, people (and that includes women) will treat you as such. Insecurity is a major turnoff.”

This is the problem with SOME women (please take not that I did not say all women), they think that getting a free drink or dinner is some sort of accomplishment.  These type of women also seem to think that the men they are dealing with are somehow naïve to what they are doing especially when they say things like, “are going to be right here for a bit, I will be right back”.  Men are not dumb even the nice ones, just because a guy offers to buy you a drink does not mean he is stupid, trying to get in your pants, or needy.  There are all types of men with different types of intentions, and it’s up to you to figure them out for each guy; a man buying you a drink is not a sign of insecurity or neediness.

Most of the time the man knows after a few minutes of conversation if the woman is seriously interested or not and often just buys her a drink to be social.  Other times men do this so other women see them socializing with a woman to make them appear more desirable, and it works because women don’t want a man that is standing by himself.  When these type of women get their Amoretto Sour, and come up with some excuse to get out of their with their $6 conquest the man has already started focusing on the next woman walking by.  As for going out to dinner with a man and cutting off contact it is perfectly acceptable to go to dinner with a guy not knowing how interested you are and finding out during the dinner that you aren’t.  There is a subset of women who let men take them out knowing they have no interest in the man from the beginning, just so they can get a free meal.

This does not make much sense either; you are wasting time with someone who you do not want to date.  Is that $20 meal from Friday’s really worth the hassle of spending an hour or so with a person who doesn’t do it for you romantically?  What women fail to realize is these trivial dinners and drinks men buy for women is the cost of doing business, they get to find out for little money that the woman has communication issues and is so desperate to get something petty for free that they waste their personal time with someone they don’t really like. A lot of men use these failed dates as a testing lab to improve their skills talking to and relating to women.  If you have no interest in a man just politely decline his advances or tell him you do not want to go to dinner with him and move on, you only make yourself look bad when you take the free drink or dinner.  We won’t even get into the entire topic of men slipping things into drinks, and taking advantage of them later as women should be well aware of that.

Men have an information network as well, and they share stories about women they encounter.  A guy you might be interested in could already have information about you being petty, and decide not to take you seriously because he has already formed an opinion about you.  The worst situation is he sees you at a restaurant having dinner with “Rosco”, and he puts you on the off limits list because he doesn’t want to cross swords with him.  The free drinks and dinners are just not worth it in the end, and may come back to bite you later.  There are exceptions to every rule and common sense should guide you there, if you are with a group of friends and some guy insists on buy all of you drinks then go for it.  But for most one on one encounters just take this advice; if you aren’t interested in a man just tell him that and move on.  If you need a man to give you something to boost your ego, or you can’t afford to buy your own drink or dinner then you don’t need to be dating and work on yourself first.

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In a lot of situations people who seemingly are doing well are just wearing a fancy mask to cover an ugly liability sheet. The person who doesn’t care about or ignores finances goes into relationships with these individuals that look good on the outside financially and then allows that person to take care of their finances also. Then a few years down the line when they’re both knee-deep in debt with no hope in sight he/she wonders at what went wrong with this seemingly smart individual. There are many snakes out there who hide their finances very well and show the outside world a picture of success and growth but in reality are no better off than someone working at a fast food restaurant. They may have some liquid assets but they are so deep in the red that if they were to lose that lawyer’s job then they’d be back home with mom or brother or sister.

My main point is that financial discussion is worthless if both parties do not know what questions to ask. Being that this is my subject I know that people get their eyes glazed over, lack the patience for, or have no clue whatsoever on. In certain situations if you are the financial expert, your significant other will have no problem with you being the family accountant (they better hope you aren’t fronting – see above). But if you wait until deep into a relationship knowing that your guy/girl likes shiny things, fancy restaurants and complains biweekly about her account being in the negative, then you are the asshole in that situation for expecting change. A money savvy person cannot marry a financial disaster, it just doesn’t make any sense. Why limit your fun and spending to maintain a strong defense with your finances only to have your wife or husband doing the exact opposite on their end?

As to the argument that this is something that should not be discussed when dating, I would say that financially educated people would be able to pick up on the warning signs based on conversation and habits of the person that they’re dating to know whether to broach the subject – to see if he or she is worthy long-term. If you want to keep your money, or better yet make your money continue to grow, then make sure your girl/guy has a little Suze Orman in him/her. If he/she doesn’t and you’re two years into a marriage wondering why you’re having to pick up a second job then the fault lies squarely on you.

Oh but love is all that matters right? Not quite – when it comes to finances everything in life is either an asset or a liability. So shop smart and look beyond the cute face and perfect figure to see if there is potential disaster in your mate.

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Friend of The Hall Antonio Maurice Daniels wrote an excellent piece about the other end of the coin – people who blindly take relationship advice from one or many sources. The article is called Bombarded with Relationship Advice (please give it a thorough read – he is an excellent writer) and it talks about the popularity of advice giving even from people with questionable track records. As you recall Basement inmate Steve Harvey has been going through hell recently as one of his ex-wives broadcast a bunch of YouTUBE videos calling him out for being a habitual cheater and all-around bastard. The elected black-woman relationship expert now seems even more a hypocrite after penning his bestselling book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man”. Now suddenly women who swore  by his words are hopping off of his gravy train faster than a Vanilla Ice fan back when he was exposed for being a fake.

I made some lengthy commentary on Antonio’s post and based on Dragon Blog Tip 01 – it was long enough to be it’s own post so I thought I should share my opinion on relationship advice with my readers:

Greg Dragon on being bombarded by Relationship Advice:

Very good article and although I fall into the category of someone who gives relationship advice to others, I do try and preface my advice by letting the readers know that this comes from personal experience. The same argument to “not taking advice from strangers” can be applied to “not discounting good advice from strangers” because ultimately it boils down to what an individual chooses to consume. I feel that a man who is in a position where I was a few years ago could use my guidance based on experience, that same advice will not bide well with someone who isn’t in that position and holds a different belief structure as my own.

We all have to filter what comes into our minds, this goes for all levels of media, from books to television. Nothing is completely wrong, it’s all about what you take from it. The girlfriend telling a woman to leave a man could be giving good advice if the man is a habitual cheater that can and will eventually bring back an STD or worse to his lady. The single guy telling the desperate loser to assert himself and stop being afraid of beautiful women is more qualified (in my opinion) than the married guy advising him to go to church and join a single’s meeting. The problem comes about when we put the advice-givers on a podium, and take their every word as law. Even Steve Harvey had some good points in his book but people inflated those points and ascended him to a level where the ignorant will think that the book is a bible on getting a man.

Finally: People NEED relationship advice, we aren’t islands. Every guy I know that does well by their girls have tugged someone’s sleeve, watched and emulated a movie or read a book that influenced their behavior or reaction to things. Most people just don’t “figure it out”, that’s blog fantasy – the bottom line to any advice is: Get it, process it and then decide whether to accept it.

How do you feel about relationship advice? Has any of it ever helped you? The worst advice I have ever received was from a wolf telling me to call all women bitches… ya that actually happened -___- I can imagine the type of man I would’ve turned into had I followed that advice.

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If you watch the lifetime movie network, or have had a conversation with a single woman lately you probably think men are all no good dogs.  Especially the Alpha male who is rich powerful, and has everything going for them.  You will hear women spin tales of these type of men leaving them crushed and heartbroken without as much as a thought to the pain they have inflicted.

There are two sides to every story, and if you thought about things objectively for a bit you would clearly see that not all men are like that.  A study even found that powerful women are just as likely to cheat as men, so that debunks all this media attention that guys are the only bad ones in relationships.

Self-confidence gained from a high-level job is the main link to unfaithfulness, not stress or potential risk, psychologists found.  Which means that cheating and being unfaithful is a HUMAN trait, and not just one reserved for men.

An online survey of 1,561 professionals revealed higher-level managers had the same desire for infidelity and likelihood of previous affairs, regardless of gender.  It boils down to the simple fact that when a person gets in a position of power they feel like they are untouchable, and thus have no qualms about cheating because they can just find someone else.

Prof Joris Lammers, of Tilburg University, the Netherlands, said: “People often assume that powerful men may be more likely to cheat. We found little correlation.”  So the next time you hear a woman say that all men are dogs, then tell her that women are just as likely to cheat as men.  It’s all about status, which would seem to indicate someone who is not in a position of power is less likely to cheat.

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A study conducted by researchers at the University of Tennessee concluded that marriages are more satisfying when wives are thinner than their husbands.  The researchers took a survey of 169 newlywed couples, and examined the implications of the husband and wifes body mass index (BMI).  The findings concluded that over time when the wife had a lower BMI than the husband, the marriage overall was more pleasent and satisfying for both parties.

Now this study probably did not reveal anything ground breaking that you did not already know, and as with any scientific study there are possible flaws to the way it was conducted.  With a sample size of only 169 couples it may not be a very good indication of the overal populace, but I don’t think anyone will argue with the conclusion of the study.

Many will just dismiss this as men being shallow and people have known it all along, but that really is not the whole story.  If you notice it says the marriage is more satisfying for both parties when the woman is smaller than their husband.  That comes from the fact that most women don’t want to date a man who is smaller or shorter than them, and they prefer to pick men who are much bigger than they are as mates.  Yes most men aren’t going to choose a woman that makes him look like a dwarf either, and this leads to a happier couple.

All this study revealed is that people want their marriage to meet a certain image, and they choose their mates accordingly.  One other important point is that it said the marriage was more satisfying, but had no bearing on if it helped the marriage to last longer which is probably more important.

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As a student in high school I was shy, assumed that girls wanted guys who could buy them things and was unsure about my looks. Sure the older ladies would call me handsome and I had my share of glances here and there, as a boy you never believe it unless a girl that you are feeling goes with your program. Having a good friend who was sleeping with girls on the daily didn’t help either. Sure I would get the courage to step to a girl but they would let me down every time and it was always the ones that I wasn’t checking for that was showing interest.

Change your outlook on women (especially the Hawtes)

Going into my freshman year in College I met many women through different circumstances and it changed my outlook in a major way. While naturally quiet, I found that my dealings with enough superficial women sobered me a bit on the high ideal I had placed on my future love. Men tend to put women on this fragile pedestal of worship that in reality is unfair to ourselves and the women. This pedestal makes a man want to be worthy of the woman, and it handicaps him, stuns him and makes him feel inadequate. This is the reasoning behind the goofy nerd who becomes a power mogul snatching up tons of gold diggers as if they are mere toys instead of human beings.

Clubbing with the right people led to me dancing with friendly girls, meeting really cool Hip Hop chicks and seeing women in a more third dimensional light than before. I learnt that I was a good dancer, that I was actually good looking and I learned that game was a task of trial and error, not having magical words. Before long and prior to my Sophomore year I was THAT GUY, grabbing women on the dance floor, grinding on them, collecting numbers, getting kicked out of bedrooms when the flirty senior saw my driver’s license and figured out my age. Yes it was a glorious lesson.

This example of mine goes to show that confidence is built through experience, the more you dabble, the more firm you are in your tools (what you are good at and what you are bad at). You also get to the point where you can gauge your target. Just because a woman is busty, beautiful and bashful, it doesn’t automatically make her a stuck-up prude, but it takes approaching 5-6 of them to put that into your head. If your approach has been limited to guesses, theories and hearsay then you won’t feel confident in stepping to the hawte, or you may assume wrong and get embarrassed.

Remember men, practice makes perfect and you have no clue on a person’s reality unless they share it with you. I don’t care if you are 300+ lbs and have pimples all over your face, you should spit game, get dissed and keep going. Trust, timing is everything and a big man can get in some dime piece panties as easily as an ugly dude with charisma can. Get your bumps in and good luck out there.

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Written By:  Slim Jackson

For the last few weeks, I’ve been sitting on a topic that comes up daily in the real world and in online conversations. There’s been a lot of talk about wack men, good men, manly men, men who blow backs out, men that have been pussified, emasculated, denigrated, and whatever else you can probably imagine. I’ve read posts from men telling women to let them step up and be the man, and I’ve read a good number of articles and social media outbursts telling men that they need to step up to the plate and be better at 1 of a list of probably 1,000 things. I’ll be honest. I’ve grown tired of the “Men should…” banter from the chronically unhappy. I know that for as long as there are relationship blogs, it will be an ongoing topic. I don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it.

There’s a question that has repeatedly come to mind while reading these posts and listening to the chatter. I’ve found myself asking what exactly is a man? Aside from chromosome make-up and obvious anatomical differences, what is a man in the eyes of male that is 2X years old like myself? If you asked me a few years ago, my answers would have been completely different…though I guess that’s a given since I wasn’t 2X years old then. But anyway, as I continue to go through life’s experiences I can see that some things aren’t as important as I once thought and other things that I once deemed meaningless are now critically crucial. So bare with me as I take you through my thoughts on what a man is, isn’t, and may require at times. I sat down for an hour trying to figure out how to format this post and this is what I came up with in no particular order…

A man is capable of recognizing when he has serious problems in his life and takes the steps to seek the help that he needs. It doesn’t matter whether this help comes from a friend, family member, or a licensed professional. A man does not unnecessarily carry a burden on his back that could be shared with someone(s) that cares about his life or knows how to help him get it back on track.

A man is more concerned with the quality of his relationships than the number of women he’s conquered over the years. Sleeping with 100 women or being able to get 5 numbers a week at the club doesn’t make a male a man.

A man is not just a big d*ck, stamina, and a smile. I say that because I hear too many women saying they need a man who can lay it down in the sheets before they say they need a man that will treat them right. Getting “handled” right is not the same as being treated right. There is a difference.

A man doesn’t just pay child support. A man develops a relationship with his kid(s) regardless of the circumstance to ensure that nobody grows up hating him and that he doesn’t create another statistic. Women aren’t the only ones that should be nurturing.

A man can admit when he’s wrong even in situations where he knows it may be held against him down the road. Along these same lines, a man knows when to fight and when to walk away. He understands the bigger picture and that as he gets older, the implications of his actions grow in significance.

A man is capable of acknowledging his weaknesses and embraces his strengths. He knows that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody else until he has proved it to himself. Where he struggles, he works on it. When he fails, he gets back up. When he realizes something is impossible, he understands and looks for an alternate path to his goal or works on something that he knows he can change.

A man is able to talk to a woman about his emotions and run the risk of “getting emotional” in the process. If she doesn’t allow it, he knows that it’s time to find another woman.

A man takes care of his health because he wants to live long and not because he wants to show off.

A man needs regular compliments and to feel wanted. After all, a man is human.

A man respects his mother. Without her, he doesn’t exist.

A man knows that family always comes first.

A man doesn’t hold doors, carry groceries, cuddle, hold hands, or say “I love you” because she expects him too. He does it because he wants to. Related to this, a man can’t know everything and anything. Once again, a man is a human being.

And lastly,

A man knows when it’s time to finish a blog post and turn it over to the people. What is or isn’t a man to you? Do you disagree with anything I’ve listed here? After all, this is my opinion. It’s your turn to share yours.

Your Favorite Occasionally Positive Blogger,

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When most people start to use an online dating site they are not sure what to do.  In many cases they are a little bit embarrassed that they are look for love though a computer screen even though this is the new age and it’s perfectly normal these days.  As people become more comfortable they put more information in their profile and start uploading more pictures in an attempt to have their profile reflect their personality as much as humanly possible.  Some people take this philosophy overboard and start to post some of the worst pictures possible because they forget all you are attempting to do is make a first impression on the person you are communicating with.  That’s why choosing what types of photos you post is important because you don’t want the other person to form the wrong opinion about you because of a picture you posted.

Avoid Posting Glamour Shots: People love posting Glamour Shots on their online dating profiles because those are probably the best pictures they have ever taken.  The problem is no one looks like those photos on a daily basis, and those types of pictures are heavily edited and air brushed by the company taking the photo.  All that is going to lead to is the person you are hoping likes you shows up at the date, and ends up disappointed when they were expecting the 9 from the Glamour shot but met a solid 7 at the coffee shop.

Post More Than Just Facial Closeups: Nothing pisses people off more than looking through someone’s profile and there is not one single picture of the persons body.  Instead they are beat over the head countless times with pictures of the persons face from varous angles with different hats on in an attempt to be sexy.  All the person viewing these photos is saying to themselves is “he/she must be fat”, let’s be honest that is what they are thinking and that’s probably the reason only face pictures were posted in the first place.

Avoid Sexually Suggestive Poses: Some women make the mistake of thinking that profile photos are good places to be sexy, but it’s dangerous territory. A smile can be sexy. A nice dress out in the sunshine can be sexy. Wearing too little and rolling around on the floor usually won’t come off as sexy. It will come off as desperate.  The flip side to that is it may give the guy you are hoping to meet the impression that you are out looking for some sexual fun rather than a meaningful relationship.

Stop Posting Old Photos Of Yourself: The person looking at your profile wants to know what you look like now, not how fine you were 10 years ago.  People can pick up on styles as they change through the years, and if you are posting a picture when you had a Gumby or a High Top fade they are going to know that the picture is probably dated.  Some people do this when they have had children or aren’t playing sports anymore and are not proud of what they have become, but people have to remember you are going to meet this person in real life eventually.

No Party or Woo Girl Photos: We all know people want to show that they are able t go out have fun, and let loose when it’s necessary.  But your online dating profile is about you and not what you and your friends did on Saturday night, plus the more people in the picture the more opportunities for the person to not focus on you.  Let’s be honest if any of your friends look better than you then that’s only going to make the person looking wonder how they can meet you and parlay that into hooking up with that hot friend in your photo.  The other downside to this is some people may not be the partying type, and may be turned off if you are giving the impression that going out drinking is a big part of your life.

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Isn’t this sad, this statement which is the title? But many times we write off potential mates due to the transgressions of one or two people in our past. Hell, I’ve seen whole sites dedicated to teaching black women to seek out men of lighter persuasion due to black men’s lack of money, education and apparently condoms (SNARK!) It’s pretty cruel to make a hate site being that you influence others with it, but this blame game dealt from relationships is more commonplace than you think.

Blaming a group is lazy

Do you want to know something interesting? I bet if you wrote off every woman/man (whatever your flavor) for something one of their membership has done negatively to you in the past, you will be left with the most exotic of the set (in terms of your upbringing) as the ideal. The black women that have never talked with, befriended or loved an Asian man will see them as flawless due to exoticism. The white man that has never met, researched or dated a Desi woman will be fetishizing them to the utmost degree. Why? Because they have eliminated all of the ones that they have met based on one member being an ass. Thank goodness most of us don’t operate this way or the earth may stop spinning – group blame is lazy.

Now of course going into detail of a group may warrant some discussion ie: “Italian men who come from abusive parents have a better chance of beating their spouses than others” but that’s not what we are talking about here. With the abuse statement, the issue is when you go “Italian men beat their spouses” whoa! Now that is some lazy and unfair generalizing. Even if you have dated 3 abusive Italian men in a row you cannot make that statement, you know why? There are millions of other Italian guys that don’t hit their women that you haven’t dated. What gives you the right to throw that statement out there or worse yet build a blog or magazine around that lazy theory?

Your relationship scars are showing

Normally when I hear these statements, and I see the patterns, it immediately crosses my mind that some childhood, or early scar is the cause. For instance many dark, black men who chase white women exclusively have been dissed, spit on (not really just being dramatic here) and were ignored by the pretty, bobble-headed, black girls in grade school. Stay with me here, not making this up. It’s like with women, and I am going to catch heat on this but on observation in the South, prior to a plump rear being an accepted sexy trait on white women by white guys, I could assume that rolling up on a thick, Christina Hendricks type of looker would yield me better results than hitting on a Kate Bosworth. Know why? Hendricks wasn’t getting much love for her feminine curves outside of darker hued wolves that actually found her body-type to be sexy, I could expect to hear things like “white guys don’t find me attractive” or “I’m too fat”. The dissed young black boy assumes “ALL” black women have issues and are not looking to him, just like the thick sexy Hendricks chick assumes “ALL” white guys wanted a waif. The two normally find each other, so at least some good comes out of that situation :p.

Stereotypes will keep you lonely

In the end it is to your detriment to shut your doors completely on a set of people due to the transgressions of a few. If we were to assume that only 5 potential soul mates are out there for any human being, who is to say that they aren’t within the group that you turned your back on. You build a website about how horrible men of East Asian heritage are and when your neighbor of that same build appears to be everything you want in life sans race you let him fly all in the name of “I was burnt before”. You can’t live like this and expect that life owes you a mate that isn’t (insert race, gender, or group). The loneliest people always seem to have this stance… and from what I said in my first paragraph, it is for a reason. Shake off the childhood scars and open your heart, you would be surprised at who it is that is meant for you in the grand scheme of things.

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When it comes to drinking alcohol there are some drinks that men should avoid when hitting the bar because those drinks aren’t considered “manly”.  When a woman is at the bar and a man starts talking to her, if she looks over and sees an umbrella in your drink then the conversation may end right there.  Here are “Five Manly Drinks” that a guy have order when he is out that won’t mess up his chances with the ladies.

1. Vodka Martini – The primary reason a martini is on this list is because James Bond drinks them. Shaken, not stirred. Otherwise, this would be a drink that might not be called manly. But, because James Bond is the epitome of manliness he can set trends and make a drink ultimately manly. A martini is gin and vermouth, garnished with an olive. Though on occasion, its masculinity is insulted with a sliver of lemon peel.

2. Irish Car Bomb – Hell even the name sounds manly. This drink is a shot glass filled with Irish Whiskey (preferably Jameson) with Baileys Irish Cream floated on top. The shot is then dropped into a glass of Guinness and downed. All Irish, contains both whiskey and stout beer. It is definitely a man’s drink.

3. Black Sunday- This is one ounce Everclear, one ounce Wild Turkey 101 Proof Bourbon, and black cheery soda. Of course the soda is just for taste but two different liquors with a 100% plus alcohol level? Um, can you say hammered?

4. The Godfather – Besides the obvious Sicilian tone of this cocktail’s name, the Godfather is the perfect smooth drink to take the edge off. The sweet taste of Amaretto is an excellent companion to the bite of a good Scotch.  No matter what is used, the result is a sweet drink with a slightly sour bite built over ice cubes with a twist of orange. The amaretto is important, and Italy makes the finest. It imparts a delicate almond flavor, which is absorbed completely by the sweet woody taste of the bourbon or the malty tang of Scotch.

5. Enpinyo and Cow Blood- That is, distilled African liquor washed down with pure cow blood. An indigenous group in Kenya and Tanzania known as the Maasai drink super concentrated enpinyo which is tastefully washed down with some fresh cow blood. Supposedly the blood of the cow works wonders for preventing any type of hangover. With this hardcore ingredient, the enpinyo and cow blood remains at the top of the list for the manliest, albeit most disgusting way to get drunk.

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